Moving

"You're leaving Trinidad and going to Atlanta? ... oh, college. Well, are you thinking of coming back?"

It was easy to answer "probably not", given that programming, software and the web hadn't really taken off in the Caribbean yet.

"I heard you're moving to New York ... oh, for work. Lot less laid back there, you know."

Another easy one -- I had a job offer in hand, had already visited the Big Apple a couple times and completed an internship in NYC. (Plus, Trini food is a lot easier to find there than down south, with the exception of Miami...)

"Why are you moving to London? ... You'll miss NYC. You know there's more crime in London, don't you?"

But the place felt more personal, and once you got to know someone, even the reserved English, they were (likely) your friends for life.

"Why did you move to Glasgow? ... You'll miss London. The place is a lot ... erm, less Caribbean up there, you know."

But the locals are even friendlier and the city more walkable.

And so on and so forth. But when will I be having this conversation again? And will the reasons and justifications eventually become rationalisations and weak excuses? With each city I leave, I also leave behind friends and acquaintances whom I still visit when time/money/energy permit.

Back at my old place, closer to the Clyde, I once shared a lift with an elderly gentleman who had lived in various cities all over Africa and Europe (and was complaining about the manners of the couple just in front of us who had grabbed the lift and gone -- further adding to the anxiety of this new Glaswegian!). The Russian shopkeeper down the street has lived 16 years in Paris, 16 in London and just over 2 years here in Glasgow -- he does, however, have family living with him, or close by, I believe. So moving more than a few times doesn't have to preclude putting down roots, establishing yourself in the society, feeling part of the place (for once?).

Luckily, there are things to do in the West End (besides go to the many bars and clubs) so with any luck I will get in where I fit in soon enough.

Out here on my own :-)

I was invited to a friend's wedding, and was also asked to be the best man. The wedding was in Shimla, so I carried my camera. Click the pic for the general touristy pics :



But I noticed something that I miss when I am in Glasgow. I blended in like nothing. Here, even in a city that's becoming multi-ethnic, multi-lingual and (supposedly) multi-cultural, I get stared at quite a bit. Shimla's quite smaller, and I was all right there -- or at least unnoticeable compared to the priest with whom I went touristing around Shimla town centre. Tallish guy with white hair and white skin. And I was the one with the camera!

I guess with the staring in Glasgow also comes the question, "do I belong here? will I belong here in time?" Last Sunday I returned from London and was waiting on a bus back to the West End. The 62 eventually came along and these teenagers (twentysomethings?) got off the bus, the first yelling something random as he disembarked -- frightening the old lady in front of me, who let out a surprised "ohh!". The guy behind the yeller said something meant to be apologetic like "kids today" with a knowing grin. I rolled my eyes. "Welcome back to the Land of the Nutters", I told myself. Although to be honest, that place isn't really Glasgow so much as the front of Central Station (especially as the evening arrives) -- I usually avoid the place myself.

But I have had a hard time trying to put the stereotype of Scottish people as joyful noisemakers to rest (see old post about previous flat). The barber at the south end of the station had told me Scots take stuff less seriously and I think I took that to heart -- meaning consideration for others as well. Although noticing people keeping doors open for others behind them did give me pause. And it does help to be a part of some groups off Meetup.com since I have met many quiet Scottish people there.

And then, too, I've only been here about 15 months, so I guess I'll have to do my time. No shortcuts to feeling a part of a town... especially when it's in the UK and you don't drink much or follow the footy...

*resigned sigh* Well, London's only 400 miles away.

A post about being too busy, or not creative enough, to post

Does creativity come from boredom? Having your mind switched off, away from TV, instant messaging, BlackBerrys[R]/iPhones[R] long enough for your muse to work?

My head ached from watching screens all week, but maybe it also ached from lack of stimulation -- boring admin-style work, from just surfing the net when I got home, and from not playing music almost daily like I used to do, a few years ago.

I played for half hour today, reading from sheet music, playing new music (badly) and picking tunes as I went. The relief, while not immediate and complete, was there. What a sight I must have been, sounding out notes, going back and playing phrases again, wincing at that not-quite-right chord ... but hearing the song go by in my head, melody and harmony waiting for my fingers to hit the chord and then feeding me the next phrase. And that was as close as I got to that stereotype of the artist, painting/drawing/singing/dancing as the muse whispers in his/her ear. :-)

Time to search for some classical music concerts / piano recitals in Glasgow then...

Be it ever so humble, there was...

I moved westward.

I got tired of walking at least 15 minutes for EVERYTHING (20 to Central Station, 25 in other direction for PC World, 25 minutes to the GFT, 40 minutes to Buchanan Galleries, 30 minutes to St Enoch subway station -- and the West End). And passing under the Kingston Bridge each time. Dodging the cars turning off Stobcross Road (or Argyle Street) down towards the Broomielaw. Walking home with a backache (when I had one). Having tall industrial buildings, empty lots and that damn ALEA sign be my only company usually. Nothing but a SPAR (supermarket) close by. Sure there was ALEA, Nando's, bowling, bingo and others -- across the Clyde. Noisy neighbours upstairs dropping stuff and having people over and laughing away the day (and sometimes the night). And the police (bless'em) coming by every so often. I saw the notice about "lewd acts have been captured on CCTV and we just want to remind all residents that..." and all I could do was roll my eyes.

But still, I do miss it a little. Because it still used to be home, if only just for a year.

Happy one-week movingout-anniversary to me.

Random thought #123

"How did you celebrate your birthday?" .... errrr, I went to work and had an extra bit of chocolate from the vending machine?

The thing about birthdays -- and most other major calendar events e.g. New Year's Day -- passing me by mostly uncelebrated is there is no forced evaluation of where I am in my life (more than normal anyway) hence no feelings of regret/disappointment when I realise a year has passed and certain aspects of my life still aren't "up to scratch".

When you're one of those people who can't switch their minds off, life planning is for a quiet weekend or impromptu lunch time walk, not so?

They said I couldn't have 5.0 ...

There are guides all over the web to upgrading your BB OS.

I upgraded because I was curious and had an idle Saturday night on my hands. Plus BB Messenger 5.0 installed on top of OS 4.6 on my shiny new Curve (8520) kept driving me insane. Every so often the cursor would disappear and I would need to do a hard reboot (battery pull or Shift-Alt-Del). The other participants of group chat would snicker at my typos and badly spelt swear words.

Anyway, make sure you have the latest version of BlackBerry Desktop Manager (free from blackberry.com) on your Windows machine (I think they have Mac versions, but the OS install files are all Windows AFAIK) and then back up all your data onto your PC.

Now I'll punt you over to a guide :-)
http://blackberrysync.com/2008/09/how-to-upgrade-your-blackberry-os/
(that deletion in Step 4 is very important)

It includes the link for all (?) mobile phone providers worldwide, so you can find your own. Or, if you're feeling adventurous you can select another provider -- but you have to pick the correct phone model! Bold OS on a Curve is a no-no!)

For example, my provider *cough* is still on 4.6 for the 8520, so I got another link off TechnoSpot in place of the file from Step 1 on the previous page:
http://www.technospot.net/blogs/download-official-os-5-for-blackberry-8520-released/ (Click "Download from Blackberry.com" below the ads.)

The file has the words "Wind Hellas" as that particular provider already approved 5.0 for their customers :-)

My backups didn't completely work (had to get added back into some BBM groups), but at least I got all my mp3s and contacts back. Ubertwitter reverted to non-paid version for a little bit but phoned-home and took the ads away in short order.

I also like the new "threaded SMS" in OS 5 -- check it out. It goes well with Facebook texts, so you can potentially carry on entire Facebook conversations without even logging into the site. (Now that's geeky.)

I got a wedding invitation

So I was in London last weekend, and as I usually do when I'm in London, I lime (or hang out, if you prefer) with a few friends, including an old friend of mine also from south Trinidad.

He is single, and also in the unenviable position of being the last in his close circle of friends to get married. (In future, that is. Or would be...)

And he got hit with THREE wedding invites from his buddies for this year. And a fourth -- from a friend of a friend. Damn. It does bring the word 'unenviable' to mind.

I hate stereotypes as much as the next person ;-) but his parents still conform very much to the 'Indian parent' syndrome. That is to say, every other conversation manages to have marriage/girlfriends/relationships worked in. And with no shame as it sure is time.

(And it's catching. My grandmother is not Indian, but her deceased husband was. As advanced as her Alzheimer's is getting, she still remembers to scold me for not having married as yet. Mm.)

As the night went on, every so often he would mention something else about one of the weddings he got invited to, and it was clear he wasn't half bitter about 'being last'. And I really felt for him. I don't know why lasting romance hasn't come into either of our lives but I personally don't bother about it too much. But I imagine receiving several wedding invitations from the 'happily engaged' friends -- when they know you're single* -- can grate. And I'm not sure what I would do if I were in his shoes. (I did mention turning some down, but still thinking about that...)

All I know is I find it quite inconsiderate -- in fact cruel -- for the lot of them to be sending him all these invitations for the same year. Airfare, tux, vacation days, hotel possibly -- all for a chance to shake your friend's hand, congratulate the blushing bride, and then shrink into the background as the bitter singleton. It's as if they didn't know him that well. For a close circle I'd expect more of them.

The least they could do is set him up with someone during the reception.

* and if they don't, why the hell not? They're your friends, aren't they??

You think too much.

Returning a stranger's smile
Deciding last minute
To stop watching my feet
And look at the stranger passing me by
(And she is cute)
And she smiles at me and I smile back.
Doesn't mean anything
Other than "Hello human being"
It doesn't have to.

Walking along the Clyde
Thinking about a blog post
Wasn't feeling like blogging for a long time
But sometimes I want to say something.
Doesn't have to be perfect
(Doesn't have to make sense)
But you get to thinking that it has to be
Just to make sure they'll listen
But maybe it doesn't have to.

Third post.

On 'Psychic Vampires'

I was going through the list of meet-ups (on Meetup.com) for Glasgow and eventually came upon a Satanists' meetup.

It held my interest because I have been here less than a year in Scotland, where the people are so much more sociable, community-minded, personable -- and talkative, boy are they talkative -- than the English, especially Londoners, and lo and behold, here is a group that stands for none of these things. And it's weirdly thrilling.

Don't get me wrong. I like that I can just talk to the odd stranger more easily than I could in London. I am timid enough that it -- subconsciously -- comes as a major relief that people don't abuse me or ignore me when I reach out. My conversations don't last that long anyway!

But the 'payback' comes when the odd stranger starts talking to me ... and then finally at me, about every last detail and worry and problem in their heads, while I nod and smile and try to 'put myself in their shoes'. Here this happens more often than you would think, and I don't think I'm used to this as yet. When I am the one that doesn't want to engage, it's hard to say 'no'. Perhaps it was this permissive nature that allowed one member of the group to comment that he's "self-less to a fault and [has been] especially susceptible to psychic vampires in the past".

And now I find myself wanting to read Anton LaVey's bio, if not his book .

Whether I want to join the group (of individualists!) … probably not.

You can't go home again

oletalk:
i never got to claim that legacy blog..... sigh
*shrug*

W:
legacy blog?

oletalk:
it was sending me in a 4-screen endless loop
i had opened up a blog like 5 years ago i think, just to be able to comment on other ppl's blogger blogs
before google blogged
sorry swallowed blogger
so it reminded me i could claim the blog
(blog blog blog)
and i tried to
oh how i tried
but it kept sending me in a loop

W:
ohhhhhhhh

oletalk:
over and over

W:
so u've just signed up for a whle new blogger identity??? poor u

oletalk:
LMAO
yeah yeah yeah
"say it ain't sooooooo oletalk "